Money and death can be two uncomfortable topics of conversation even between grown children and their parents. When you broach the topic of an estate plan, you're combining both topics. However, an estate plan is an important part of your and your parents' finances. Communicating about said plan helps alleviate later conflict.
Don't put aside this important conversation just because it might be awkward. Instead, approach the situation with both professionalism and empathy.
The professional part of your demeanor should come out in your first step. Don't spring the conversation on your parents. Instead, request a meeting to discuss their estate plan.
The empathy should come in that conversation as well. Find a way to address the situation so that it shows you're out for their best interests. For example, you could phrase the request as a way of discovering what their wishes are for their estate.
Transparency in all communication should be your first goal. If you have siblings, you'll want to invite them to the estate planning meeting as well. Make sure they understand you're just trying to get a feel for your parents' wishes, not hit them up for a bigger slice of the inheritance.
In that vein, an important question to ask is whether you or one of your siblings is acting as a fiduciary, which is an individual named as the beneficiary of an estate. Generally speaking, the situation is better if a professional fiduciary is named over you or your siblings. Naturally, though, that's your parents' decision.
In some cases, adult children can be perfectly rational about dividing up a financial estate but become contentious for items with sentimental value. Talk to your parents about such items - indeed, it may be an easier part of the conversation since you won't seem focused on the pecuniary.
Make your wishes known about any sentimental objects you especially want. If your siblings agree to the bequeathment, get it in writing. However, be prepared that they may ask for certain sentimental objects, too.
With advances in medical technology, the end of life isn't as cut-and-dry as it used to be. You'll want to know what each parent wants to do concerning life support. While you're having that conversation, bring up their feelings about organ donation.
Likewise, illness, accidents, and the advancement of age might eventually make them unable manage their financial affairs. Talk to them about who should take over making decisions in that situation. Get those wishes in a springing power of attorney, which only goes into effect in the event of medical incapacitation.
According to
Forbes, one of the biggest points of contention after a parent's death is the collision of the stepmother's and children's interest - more so than the reverse. Part of the reason for that is women tend to outlive men, so widowed females outnumber males.
How your conversation goes concerning your stepmother depends on your relationship with her. That said, you'll want to know what provisions your father has made for her finances after his death. Consider talking about plans for interring his remains as well. Finally, if your father had children with your stepmother, talk about his plans for their inheritance.
Finances can be complicated, especially when you're talking about retirement plans, investments, and even bank accounts. Your parents need to include a map of their financial accounts with their estate plan. This map should include account numbers and passwords. You'll also want to find out where all the paperwork is located pertaining to their finances.
Estate planning is a complicated but necessary part of life. Make sure your parents' estate plan is up-todate and transparent to all the family members involved. Consult the estate lawyers at the
Law Office of Carla D Allen for more advice.
